Life in the Covid Cloud
Life at the moment is heavy. With everything that is happening in the world my heart feels weighed down.
Usually at the beginning of the year I feel hopeful and inspired to get the year on a roll.
I used January this year as the “tester” month because 2020 was a bit of a dumpster fire.
My hope was that I would find some new life and vigor in February. It is the month of love and the weather is gorgeous but I am struggling to fight the fog.
I feel weird and even ungrateful to feel this way. I am so incredibly blessed with my life and my beautiful family.
The atmosphere has felt heavy, wherever I go. I have had no inspiration when it comes to the things, I used to be passionate about; recipe development has turned into my family eating sandwiches and I have barely written a blog post this year.
Is everyone else feeling just bleghhh…?
2021 is the year that I wanted to re-join the work force. Going into my third year of being a Stay At Home Mom, has filled me with anxiety. Originally, I was only going to stay at home for a year, then 2020 hit and the job prospect I had disappeared.
Now I’m filled with self-doubt. I feel like a dinosaur and will anyone even want to hire me. My previous work experience was in Public Relations, media, and social media management. 2020 saw print media in South Africa go up in fire, with hundreds of titles closing their doors. I often wonder if my skill set is marketable and needed in the current work force.
More than ever, I want to contribute to our family finances. Saving every cent and having a nest egg is so imperative. Luckily, I was good about saving money when I was working. Money is not the only reason I want to start working again, it is about self-sufficiency and fulfilment. I want to be able to talk to my husband about something exciting that happened at work, not just the daily boring home life. Having my own money has always been important to me, I have seen numerous women be financially destroyed by a divorce or death of their spouse.
No one plans to get divorced or loose a spouse, but its so important to be prepared for the worst.
I want to be more of a partner to my husband and shoulder some of the financial responsibilities. I would like to buy him a gift or surprise him with a weekend away that he didn’t have to pay for.
My daughter is my primary concern. Will my working negatively impact her? The schools open and close at a drop of the hat (COVID), how will I juggle having her at home and working at the same time? Are there half day jobs that can accommodate a working mother? So many questions, so many scenarios.
I am continuously on the look out for a business idea. That illusive unicorn.
Oh, you know that idea that will fulfil you creatively but also pay the bills.
Stressing about this makes me feel guilty, as I know so many people who are in worse shape. So many people have lost their jobs, been put on half time at work, severely understaffed, lost their business or lost loved ones.
COVID-19 and lockdown have brought about emotions that I did not expect to feel. More than ever, I am keenly aware of my life and its many privileges.
The effects of COVID-19 19 will be felt for years if not decades to come.
Has COVID-19 19 brought out a feeling helplessness in you? How are you fighting the COVID-19 cloud?