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  • Writer's picturemommyincapetown

I got unfriended

Recently I got Unfriended on Facebook. Not by an acquaintance but by a former bestie whom I had been friends with for over 10 years. In today’s social media speak that’s the same as a full-on slap in the face.

We all know as time goes on, we lose certain friends, or the friendship has run its course. A few years ago, I would have shrugged and been like “thank you next”, so why as an adult does it hurt worse to lose a friend?

Is it the fear that you have been left behind, no longer interesting, that they feel they are better than you and you no longer fit into their new life… or is the feeling of rejection? No one wants to be rejected. It maybe many reasons why friends lose touch.

I have made the conscious decision to not be hurt but to appreciate what was. Putting my feelings down in black and white helped with this process.

Dear Former Bestie,

It has been a while since we last saw or even spoke to each other. Thanks to social media, I get little glimpses of your life through mutual friends. We have both moved on from those teens running around town. It got me thinking if you remember me, do you think of me and all those wondrous times we shared.

Memories of tearing up the dance floor at Tiger, Tiger and late-night (more like early morning) stops for Steers. Watsap messages the next morning “have you seen my bag and watch?”. Giggling about the guys we met the night before, complaining about how tired we are and then immediately planning our next late-night adventure. Discussing the notes, we took in class, stressing we will fail our exams and then celebrating our graduation.

I was there the night you met your husband. Who would have thought? A chance meeting in a night club would result in name changes and children. We stood with each other as we said our marriage vowels to our respective spouses, sharing tears of joy.

So, what changed? I changed. You changed. We evolved into whom we are today. We became the women, wives and mothers we are today because of change. For this I would never be sad. I am not the same girl I was, unsure of whom I was and looking for direction, looking to belong. Who we have become has nothing to do with the other. Your transformation from party girl to mother is your own journey and I have my own to follow.

Life took me on a different journey, various careers which left me little to no time for socializing and popping in for coffee. My life has been a whirlwind but oh what a perfect storm!

Sorry if you feel that I neglected our friendship, but you see those work both ways. I hope you understand that I will never apologies for being me and looking after myself emotionally and mentally. Maybe we could have held each other’s hands tighter or sent more messages… however that is in the past. There could be a future for our friendship to be resurrected and bloom in another form. It is awkward to ignore our history and pretend that those days and night never happened, that it was someone else’s life.

I do look back with fondness ,thinking how far we both have come and revel in the knowledge that we have beautiful futures ahead.

Goodbye and thanks for the memories

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